You Don't Prepare Yourself for That

We have been married for 5 years this year and we have had our fair share of problems and difficult times. I remember times when we would count out change to pay for our gas because Ethan wasn't getting paid for a few more days. I remember weeks where we ate only macaroni cheese and soups because we didn't have the money for a huge grocery bill. I remember having to turn down going out to eat with people because our funds were low. I remember being scared during the labor of our children. I remember Ethan getting hurt on the softball field and being so scared. I remember being on the phone with Ethan, hearing him get in a car accident years ago. We have been through a lot in our 5 years of marriage, but all of those struggles seemed like absolutely nothing yesterday. Now, I am not saying that I lack faith or I believe everything professionals are telling us, but please understand that just hearing words can take your breath away, regardless of whether you have faith or not. Financial struggles, our own medical difficulties.. They all paled in comparison to what a psychologist spoke to us yesterday. We were sitting there, discussing the future of Tayler... And the psychologist spoke the words, 'at the rate Tayler is learning skills, you need to be aware that she will likely need lifelong support. She may have to live with you forever and once you guys aren't able to care for her, it is likely you will have to place her in a group home. I don't foresee a future where Tayler sustains enough skills to live on her own.' (once again, I have faith, but those words are daggers, regardless!) My heart shattered.. And he just kept talking so I was left to pick up the pieces, stop the tears from flowing, and just sit there... Feeling lifeless. Ethan squeezed my hand a few times.. I knew he knew I was struggling. The meeting lasted about 20 more minutes and we left. As we were walking to the car, I realized I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.... They just started pouring. Ethan turned me around to face him and just wrapped his arms around me. I think we stood there for 5 minutes, not saying anything. It was in that moment I realized something. Life is tough. When you choose a lifelong partner.. Someone to build a life with... You know you'll have problems.. They're inevitable. We have had tons. But that moment right there.. You never prepare yourself for that. You never prepare yourself to see your child struggling and you never prepare yourself for your child to be 'special needs.' You never prepare yourself for someone to sit in front of you and discuss nothing but your child's weaknesses. You just don't picture that. But even though we didn't prepare for it, we are here. If you aren't married yet.. And you're trying to picture a life with someone... And you aren't sure if they're the 'one' or not... Vision you and your partner having children.. And a psychologist standing in front of you telling you that your child may never acquire the skills needed to live life on her own.. Do you feel strong next to your partner? Do you feel like you two can overcome this together? Because in that moment last night, I realized this is one of the reasons we get married. Because life is hard sometimes. You get devastating news and predictions... And at those times, sometimes all you need is someone just to hold your hand and say 'Baby, it might not be okay, but I will stand beside of you and our children regardless.' We have had tough times... But nothing compares to last night... And the strength we found in each other. You never prepare yourself for that moment.. But I am so thankful that I have a best friend that will stand beside of me through it.. Hug me.. Let me cry.. Let me yell.. Let me be angry... Tell me we are going to work

Together to show the naysayers what we are made of. Life is tough some days, but if you're lucky, you'll find someone to help you get through it. I married mine 5 years ago and it's comforting that I get to hold his hand forever.