FIGHT.

GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the U.S. population. Women are twice as likely to be affected as men.

Panic Disorder affects 6 million people. Or 2.7% of the U.S population.  Women are twice as likely to be affected as men. 

I am one of the 6.8 million adults affected by anxiety.. I am one of the 6 million people affected by panic disorder. 

It all started when I was 13, although it wasn't anything too overwhelming. Just a lot of deep breathing if I had too much idle time on my hands. 

I was actually doing alright coping with the mild anxiety I had all through school. 

Then college hit. They say anxiety can happen due to genetics.. Or traumatic experiences. I am not sure what the root of my struggle was... All I knew is it was real.

It didn't control my life at first.. Only hindered me from doing a few minute things. Then, for some reason, it became life changing. I kept getting worse. Sitting through a college class, I became obsessed with worrying.. 'What happens if I pass out and I'm 20 miles from home? Will they take me to the hospital? How will I get home if I have a panic attack? What if I pass out while I'm driving? What if no one finds me?'

These may seem like weird thoughts to others.. Almost ridiculous, but they consumed me. Fear started ruling my life. 

December 15, 2006 was the last day I drove to Muskingum College. I quit that day. I couldn't handle the classes.. The thoughts.. The drive. 

I thought that was it. If I just avoided that, I would be fine..

Turns out when you give anxiety an inch, it takes a mile.

I gave up on that.. Then I quit my job. That was too much as well. 

Eventually, I just quit leaving the house period. A month passed and I didn't leave once. The fears consumed me. What if I panicked at the store? What if I panicked at a restaurant? What if I passed out? 

I remember sitting in my room one night while the family went shopping and out to dinner. I was crying so hard because I WANTED to be with them. I WANTED a social life. I was so angry with God. I felt like He had left me.. He let me lose everything. I would pray and pray.. And I would just get worse and worse. I didn't understand. 

I read a lot back then.. And that included every single one of Joyce Meyers books. In one book, she talked about how I was letting fear control me.. I wasn't controlling it... And every step I took to recover would make me stronger.

So I took baby steps.

I started going on walks around the neighborhood. I was still close to home if I needed to escape but I was building strength. 

After that, I started going to the store with my parents, then restaurants, then out of town.

It was a slow process. It took me close to 6 months to get to that point, BUT I did it. That was the key! 

My true test came when I met Ethan because I was moving completely out of my comfort zone. I was traveling to another city, alone, to meet someone I barely knew. 

And you know what happened?

I didn't pass out. I didn't die. I didn't panic. I didn't have to go outside to get a breath of fresh air...

I fell in love. 

Can you imagine if I would have let fear continue to control my life? 

Where would I be? What would I have? 

I was lost in this world of anxiety for a long time. I frustrated so many people. I think some might have even lose hope in me. I'm not sure.

But God didn't give up on me and I refused to give up on myself. I refused to keep letting fear steal all of the good in my life. 

I had to get in the mindset that I was the one in control of my own fate. You get one life-- that's it! Do you want to pass away knowing you let something like fear take LIFE away from you??? I was breathing every day. I had life. But I was not LIVING. I was strictly surviving. That's it. 

I am so thankful I get to LIVE now. I'm not perfect and I still have my tough days, but more than anthing, I find myself being grateful. 

Thanks to overcoming anxiety and panic disorder, I have three gorgeous babies. I have a handsome husband.

As I was driving down the road yesterday with my three children in the back seat, I found myself crying, telling God thank You.

With His strength, I now drive 35 minutes to my daughter's speech and occupational therapy appointments. I drive 40 minutes for her evaluations. I have plans to take her to pre school every day. I run to restaurants.. Just the kids and me. We go to the post office. Just us..

I am living life. Finally.

I don't have the control of fear and dread and worry.

I am happy. And at peace.

I say all of this to just give one person hope. If you are struggling with the same thing, please hold on. There are better, beautiful days ahead. FIGHT for them. FIGHT to live! It's okay to admit that you are not okay right now. There's no shame in this and I don't want anyone ever thinking that there is. Everyone has their own battles.. This just happens to be ours.

But you are strong enough to conquer this and live.

Please don't just survive. Thrive. Love. Be with your family. Go out with friends. Try new things. Go to new restaurants. Travel.

This life is beautiful. Our children need us, our significant others need us.. We need us to be strong. 

Links:

http://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics