Answers..

We sat in a room for about 20 minutes waiting for the doctor to come in the room. It seemed like 2 hours. Holding our sweet girl, listening to her giggle at 'Yo Gabba Gabba' on her iPod. 

Once he arrived, we talked. Question after question protruded out of his mouth and as he kept asking questions, my heart started recognizing what was taking place. 

Does she make eye contact with you? 

I answered 'No.'

When you point at something across the room, does she look?

I answered 'No.'

Does she respond when you call her name?

I answered, 'No.'

Does she communicate with you at all?

I answered, 'No.'

I knew.

I knew in my heart what those questions meant.

We talked a bit more about her eating habits, her covering her ears.

I knew.

After the discussions and Tayler's evaluation, he sat down and we heard those words.

Your daughter is on the autism spectrum.

I think I knew long before this doctors appointment, but I needed a doctor to speak the words to me to fully comprehend... to fully feel it.

I instantly felt guilt because in those moments I felt relief. Does that make me a bad parent? That I had relief that we finally had answers. Relief that we finally had a diagnosis. Relief that we are finally headed in to a direction where we can finally seek out help.. 

Someone listened to us. 

Someone heard our silent tears.

Ethan and I hugged each other for a second, holding back tears. 

Not tears of regret or shame. Tears of relief. Tears of Hope. Tears of wanting to give her the best life possible. Tears that seek a support system. Tears that seek for her to be accepted for exactly who she is. Our spunky, happy, spinning, energetic three year old.

It's going to be a whirlwind of change over the next few months as we go to doctor appointments for more evaluations and to find out where on the spectrum she is.. How we help her.. And where we go from here.

I find myself swirling in a sea of emotions.... nerves.. anxiousness.. gratefulness... fear...

I look at my gorgeous child and thank God He gave her to us... And pray He gives us the wisdom and tools to do what is right for her.

Thank you for sharing in our journey... We are just two parents that adore their child and want the absolute best for her whole life... and we want her to always know how

LOVEd

she is.

Autism will not define my daughter and it will not hold her back from living a fulfilling life. We will not label her... We will simply learn what we have to to teach her on her level and see the world from her perspective. She has a brilliant view on this beautiful life. We will see life from her eyes and help her to flourish! Autism isn't my daughter. It's a diagnosis. And we need a diagnosis to learn how to teach her in the way she needs to be taught. She is a smart, beautiful, thriving young lady and having a diagnosis will only better our everyday life with her... Which I am forever grateful for!

She needs a support system now more than ever... And as selfish as it sounds, so do we. I hope my readers will be #teamtayler for the rest of her life and give her (and my other two sweet munchkins) the love they need and deserve.

Love you all!