Tomorrow...

Our 3-year old holds a huge part of my heart. She has this smile that is super contagious. She loves music. She loves numbers. She loves the alphabet (we are doing her 4th birthday in the ABCS!) She loves 'Yo Gabba Gabba' and Mickey Mouse. She is constantly playing with legos and blocks. And if it has anything to do with the outdoors, she's there in a heart beat. She enjoys running and spinning. She squeals when she's excited. If you sing with her, she'll get the biggest grin. She loves teaching you how to dance (she's awesome at it.) She loves organizing things. And she LOVES chocolate. Okay, what 3-year old doesn't right?

 

When she was 2-years old, we started noticing a decrease in speech. She had her first word, her second word, even her 15th word. Then it just kind of went downhill. Honestly, I thought she was just quiet. At her 2-year check up they asked how many words she had said, we listed what we knew, and went about our way. I didn't know I should have said, 'Her speech is decreasing.' It was my first child. I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for and I certainly didn't know what proper speech development was.

 

During her 2-3 year, we started hanging out with families that had children the same age and we started noticing a lack in communication. Don't get me wrong-- our three year old is smart. She can count to 100, she can say her ABCs, she can sing just about any song off of 'Yo Gabba Gabba,' and she can even say one word that begins with each letter of the alphabet (thank you Fisher Price App!) The only difference is she doesn't 'talk' to us. She doesn't tell us about her day, ask for things, call me 'Mommy,' or say 'I love you.'

 

There's such difficulty in writing that simple statement.

 

I've never heard 'Mommy' from her lips.. and it's a stab in the heart when I think about it.

 

At her 3-year check-up, we mentioned it, but once again, it was discussed that she could say her alphabet, her numbers, and words pertaining to the letters. They thought it could be possible speech delay, but the subject wasn't really stressed nor was it thought to need intervention.

 

I've felt sick since.

 

As a Mom, you just know when something doesn't sit right. You sit at the mall play place and you see children the same age as your child and you think, 'If I ask her to do something like that mother just did, she won't do it.' And it hurts.

 

You start to ask yourself all of these questions:

 

What did I do wrong?

Did I parent her right at a young age?

Did I talk to her enough?

Did I play with her enough?

Am I a good teacher?

What could I have done differently?

 

 and then you ask yourself the tougher questions:

 

What if it's something deeper?

What is the root of the problem?

What is down the road for her? For us?

Will she communicate one day?

Will she comprehend one day?

Will she have best friends..? A boyfriend?

Will she be able to attend school?

Who will she become?

What if the same thing happens to my other two children?

 

You get to a point where it just breaks you.

 

And then you have tears falling from your face as you write a blog because you don't have answers, but you seek them.

 

You weep because you want to protect her. You want to shield her from any kind of pain that could stem from whatever the condition is. You want to give her every bit of time, effort, and resources to find an answer... a way to give her a voice.

 

And you call a doctor. And you make an appointment for an evaluation.

 

And you wait.

 

You watch the hours pass leading up to the day that you finally get direction.

 

And you prayer that someone finally listens to you. That someone understands. That someone helps you.

 

That day for us is tomorrow.

 

And all I can do is lay on my bed, hug a pillow, and silently cry to God.

 

 And ask for prayers that might read this blog...